I guess I forgot to grab the “How-To” manual at the hospital that stated all the do’s and don’ts of motherhood, or actually just the right’s and wrong’s that this little tribe of know-it-all moms put in place for us new moms to follow.
I was born Ashley Ryan “Blunt” Pierce married a Thorsen, but “Blunt” never left my name or personality. Fault me for being honest at times but that’s exactly what I will be. I am finding it somewhat difficult as a new mom to be “nice blunt” as opposed to “not nice blunt” when someone gives me their unsolicited parenting advice.
It must be a rite of passage. At least one time during motherhood, a mother’s skill about how they are raising their children is analyzed. To these “SNOM’s” I will call them, it seems we’re just not cutting the mustard. “SNOM” is my own term for snobby moms, and boy, are they are out there. A couple of times since being a new mom these situations have come up and I am still figuring out the best way to direct my tongue that for years has been full of sarcasm, wit and jokes.
Just the other day... (we will use a made up location and names to protect those involved. Like I am in the mob or something, but anyways.) I was at Pullen Park, and as you may or may not know my kid wears shades, mainly for fashion but I love that the protection aspect is there too, so when she looks totally ridiculous I reply, “I am doing what is best for my kid.”
It was hot and the sun was out so I had just finished up a stroll and Ryan was getting a little fussy. Another mom came up to me and I wanted to think she had the best intentions at heart but said, “I think she does not want to wear those glasses anymore.” Well at the time I was debating between telling her I appreciated the advice and then the little devil appeared on my shoulder that said, “Tell her to buzz off.” But instead I replied, “She’s good.”
At that time, I was more shocked at the tone and deliverance of “SNOMMY” because it was more of a “You’re wrong” tone than concerned. After I proceeded to brush her off she reminded me that my kid was in the sun. Well, yeah Sherlock. It was the day after the down pour of 2017 that flooded Raleigh and I was super glad the big ball of fire was out instead of the monsoon we had the day before. So Ryan was enjoying the sun, just as I was and every other mom that had their child out there.
Now here is the kicker where my “blunt mommy devil” came into play. After I again shrugged off her pointless comments she proceeded to MOVE my stroller opposite of the sun. Yep you read that right, she physically moved my kid, with brakes on and all, so the stroller was in an opposite direction of the sun because that was good for Ryan, because SHE knows what is best for my child. Allow me to remind you this is a stranger I have never met, with a toddler herself so she should know the code or rules if you will. I looked at her with the “I will murder you eyes” if you ever do that again and instead of me saying something hurtful and witty I replied with an austere “NO”.
At that point I wanted to pull out my “Mom 101 Book” and find in the index where touching another parent's stroller was okay. How I was supposed to react? I think for the most part I was civil, and that was until she mentioned her final comment, which I felt was a turn the knife a little deeper stab, “It looks and sounds like your baby is hungry you might want to feed her.”
That was it. I was going to blow but I was in public so W.W.P.D. (What would Pam do, my mother who is deceased but never let anyone pull anything over on her) So I decided to smile, kill her with kindness all the while giving her the finger inside the stroller where only Ryan could see and walked away. But I thought to myself what would other moms do in that situation?
Ryan was hot…yes. Ryan was cranky…yes. That did not give this stranger parent the right to touch my child’s stroller and move her. I left that day pissed but more confused as if I had done something wrong.
I am learning that a lot of people are critics. Their “style” is projected verbally and can be condescending, hurtful and passive. Leaving new moms or others to feel guilty or even second guessing their own routine with their children. I am also learning that those critics are not always bad and meaning to be hurtful, but they may not be self-aware.
I am learning how to deal. Whether that be letting comments roll off my back, responding with humor or just simply saying “Thank You”, I will deal and so will you.
This has led me to a phrase I am embracing more and more each day, “NOT FOR EVERYONE BUT PERFECT FOR ME.”
The next time a SNOMMY is aggressive with an opinion or projects hate at my parenting skills, I will respond with, “It’s not for everyone but what I am doing is perfect for me”. And if that doesn’t suit his or her fancy I can meet them outside in the parking lot, lattes down, sunglasses on, while I move Ryan away from the scary SNOMMY woman. I’ll take out my “Mommy-101-How-To” book and shove it up her…well...you know, along with those comments of hers.
**Bring your babe to Stroller Strides anytime, with or without shades! Try a free class or send one to a mama you know will love it... CLICK HERE**